Evan Darraji
(النسخة الإنكليزية)
- How long we’ve been together?
My girlfriend asked me. I don’t know what she was thinking when she asked me this question and why while she was listening to a song in the new album of Elissa –Lebanese singer- . I answered her quickly without thinking:
- What is that question for? I’ve been with you since I born, forever.
This is a true answer, I didn’t mean to be romantic or trying to impress her, do you know why? When your cook is horrible, the fast food taste like fat plastic thing in your mouth and suddenly someone who cooks really good invite you to a real, fancy and homemade dish you didn’t have since a long time, your mind will start wiping and formatting your taste buds and every image in your memory about food before this amazing dish. You will enjoy it sanctity like it’s your first time ever like you’ve been living on fuel for example not food before. This is exactly how happiness looks like, for sure there is no comparison between food and happiness but I used this example because I love food! Sometimes, I think my mind forget with premeditation everything I've been through, everything between the two practice of pain, disappointment, fatigue, deception, lying and humiliation. Like any women living in mid-east (the filthy hole) multiplied by the number of X's. Why is that? Because I want to.. I’m kidding, because I’m a lesbian and a rebel on the reality of the filthy hole and all the bars which are supporting that prison, starting from the idea of religion and ending with the fact that ride a bike is exclusively for a man not to women. Otherwise, the God of Muslims will have a heart attack. But this forgetfulness is not final, it is like the temporary files on your hard disk that can be restored at any time if you want to. When you observe something while you are walking in the street, a facebook post or news you will hear and start a fire alarm in your head. At this moment; I will use the flight mode to disconnect right away.
For example.
I forgot that we used to have a gas stove which uses natural gas, continuously burning gas flame and how many women been burned to death because of it, how many women suicide by it trying to liberate herself from her husband of her family. I forgot that we don't have a sidewalk, we are sharing the street with cars in dismayed and run and caution escalated in our heads, avoiding being crushed by a car. I forgot how to is frustrating to get a taxi, I'm saying taxi because women can't use public transportation -if they still existed - otherwise, she will be back home with her newborn baby. At least with a taxi, she can be pregnant first! I forgot how I begged my brothers for buying something to me from any store, women can’t go to any grocery store otherwise, she will be back pregnant. The big favour they ever did to me is driving me to a mall or big centre to buy whatever I needed. I forgot when any women want to apply for a job she must be in a relative relationship with the boss or another employee in order to protect her or not thinking about make her pregnant. Even so, this is mostly possible to happen. Why? Because he is not hiring a person, he is having a delicious meat steak on a dish. Whatever she tried to be decent in terms of appearance the wolf can smell her even if he is not hungry. I forgot that women can’t walk alone in the street during the day even if she want to visit a friend living in the same street, no mention that no one either man or woman can walk during the night in the street. What is that idea? Ask forgiveness of God. Did you notice that most of the things I forgot cause me pregnant? It is painful to know that you lived for more than a thirty years as a (vagina) surrounded by erect penises ready 24/7 hours to jump to ride me.
After all of that, I found happiness between her arms, the kind woman who respects and protects me among a society that is treating us both equally and respectfully. Don’t you think that my mind has the right to forget about bad things and memories? That’s why it’s stopped writing because I don’t care anymore about the filthy hole, I don’t care about fix it. I’m living an unselfish delicious rebound.
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