The English - simple - version of my winner essay "My Not Dear Father"
thank you "honor diaries" for translation and publishing:
My Not Dear Father: Arabic Essay Contest Winner
April 13, 2016
By Evan Darraji
I’m calling you ‘my not dear father’ because, to me, you are nothing more than the biological causation of my existence in this world. Your efforts to program me and train me for many years, like an ideological machine that was programmed to do this work, was not out of love from me; you did it to get personal pleasure, as your religion dictates. You liked using this tool in order to be the head of the family, where there are few females, in order to prove your male tribal existence, and to fulfil your duty in training the women to be obedient.
I didn’t become an Member of Parliament in Iraq, as you teased me about becoming, when you were trying to break my morale. I didn’t want to steal from a people that only cares about negating everything about me that’s different. All they care about is binding women to a slave role; a cook, a laundry-woman, a maid – she belongs to the man, as his wife. I didn’t want to represent a society that doesn’t respect my identity, and wouldn’t hesitate for a minute to kill me, if it had the chance. It was a society that looked at me like a sick person, a lowly being, a whore, an infidel, that must be severely punished.
And why?
Merely for going against the grain of society, and living my life as I wished.
Father, I am now living life as I please. I didn’t get morally and sexually degraded, as you and the rest of society thought I would when I took off my hijab and wore short skirts, or when I stayed up late drinking alcohol at bars – which you think will send me to hell, and make us act like animals.
I am now living alone, despite being a woman. My house hasn’t become a house of harlotry, of men that just want to sleep with me, as you and your friends think. I can go anywhere I want by myself, I can take a taxi by myself, I visit my friends (men and women) and we stay up late and have fun without needing to worry about getting home for bedtime. Don’t worry – none of them have tried to sleep with me or harass me, even though I live without a guardian. I know how to protect myself from your type of people, who try to harass me and, believe me, if I liked one of them, I would choose myself to spend time with him alone. I don’t have a need to expose my female body parts just to make up for things I don’t have.
I didn’t turn into what you thought I would become, and what you were afraid I would turn into, because I don’t care about what you said, and I’m not an example of the stereotype you thought I would be. You use that claim against every girl that wants to escape from your mental prisons.
All I care about is that I left your prisons, to live a simple life, as I please. I wear what I want, I go out when I want, and with whom I want. I do whatever I feel like doing, with my free choice and my ambitions, and I plan my future by myself. I choose a life-partner according to what makes me happy, and not just to make children. My happiness and ability to live according to my own free will are a great achievement, and are much greater than becoming a Member of Parliament or Minister. I don’t care if you, and others like you, are proud of me for being part of the family and carrying your name. You should know that I won’t give you the privilege to be proud of me. You use the lure of ‘pride’ as an ideological tool to deceive children, and their families, to get their loyalty.
Do you understand now, ‘my not dear father’?
My Not Dear Father: Arabic Essay Contest Winner
April 13, 2016
By Evan Darraji
I’m calling you ‘my not dear father’ because, to me, you are nothing more than the biological causation of my existence in this world. Your efforts to program me and train me for many years, like an ideological machine that was programmed to do this work, was not out of love from me; you did it to get personal pleasure, as your religion dictates. You liked using this tool in order to be the head of the family, where there are few females, in order to prove your male tribal existence, and to fulfil your duty in training the women to be obedient.
I didn’t become an Member of Parliament in Iraq, as you teased me about becoming, when you were trying to break my morale. I didn’t want to steal from a people that only cares about negating everything about me that’s different. All they care about is binding women to a slave role; a cook, a laundry-woman, a maid – she belongs to the man, as his wife. I didn’t want to represent a society that doesn’t respect my identity, and wouldn’t hesitate for a minute to kill me, if it had the chance. It was a society that looked at me like a sick person, a lowly being, a whore, an infidel, that must be severely punished.
And why?
Merely for going against the grain of society, and living my life as I wished.
Father, I am now living life as I please. I didn’t get morally and sexually degraded, as you and the rest of society thought I would when I took off my hijab and wore short skirts, or when I stayed up late drinking alcohol at bars – which you think will send me to hell, and make us act like animals.
I am now living alone, despite being a woman. My house hasn’t become a house of harlotry, of men that just want to sleep with me, as you and your friends think. I can go anywhere I want by myself, I can take a taxi by myself, I visit my friends (men and women) and we stay up late and have fun without needing to worry about getting home for bedtime. Don’t worry – none of them have tried to sleep with me or harass me, even though I live without a guardian. I know how to protect myself from your type of people, who try to harass me and, believe me, if I liked one of them, I would choose myself to spend time with him alone. I don’t have a need to expose my female body parts just to make up for things I don’t have.
I didn’t turn into what you thought I would become, and what you were afraid I would turn into, because I don’t care about what you said, and I’m not an example of the stereotype you thought I would be. You use that claim against every girl that wants to escape from your mental prisons.
All I care about is that I left your prisons, to live a simple life, as I please. I wear what I want, I go out when I want, and with whom I want. I do whatever I feel like doing, with my free choice and my ambitions, and I plan my future by myself. I choose a life-partner according to what makes me happy, and not just to make children. My happiness and ability to live according to my own free will are a great achievement, and are much greater than becoming a Member of Parliament or Minister. I don’t care if you, and others like you, are proud of me for being part of the family and carrying your name. You should know that I won’t give you the privilege to be proud of me. You use the lure of ‘pride’ as an ideological tool to deceive children, and their families, to get their loyalty.
Do you understand now, ‘my not dear father’?
النسخة الانكليزية لمقالي الفائز "والدي الغير عزيز..." بجائزة يوميات الشرف شكرا لكم للترجمة البسيطة والنشر:
والدي الغير عزيز....
ايفان الدراجي
أقول هذا لأنك لست سوى المسؤول البيولوجي عن وجودي في الحياة. اما عن مسألة صرفك عليّ لبضعة سنين ومحاولة برمجتي وتدجيني فهذا هدفك كـ ماكنة ايدلوجية برمجت لتقوم بهذا العمل لا حبا بي بل حبا بأن تكون لك متعة في الحياة وزينة كما يقول دينك الحنيف، وبان تستلذ بالأنا الشرقية بكونك ربّا على اسرة بضعةً منها اناث لتثبت كينونتك الذكورية العشائرية وتؤدي دورك البطولي في تقويمهن وتدجينهن وكسب طاعتهن.
لم أصبح (برلمانية) كما كنت تتساءل سابقا حينما كنت تحاول كسر معنوياتي واحباط عزيمتي: " ماذا تخالين نفسك؟ هل ستصبحين برلمانية؟" فأنا لا يهمني ان اسرق شعبا كل همّه ان ينفي كل ما هو مختلف عن قالبه الكونكريتي، كل همّه ان تتقيّد المرأة بدورها كـ عبدة، طبّاخة، غسّالة، مفرخة، تابعة للرجل ومنكوحة منه، لا يهمني ان امثّل مجتمعا لا يحترم ماهيّتي ولن يتردد لحظة بقتلي ان سنحت له الفرصة، ينظر لي كـ مريضة، شاذة، عاهرة وكافرة تستوجب اقصى العقوبات، لماذا؟ فقط لأنني اخترت ان أغرد خارج قطيعه واعيش كما يسعدني وارتاح له. وها أنا حققت ذلك يا والدي الغير عزيز. وعلى فكرة لم انحرف جنسيا واخلاقيا كما تتصور انت وباقي قطيعك حينما خلعت الحجاب ولبست الشورت والتنورة القصيرة، وحينما سهرت بأحد البارات وتناولت بضعة كؤوس من الخمر الذي تعتبرونه شرابا سحريا يأخذنا للجحيم ويجعلنا نتصرف كالحيوانات حاشاها منا!
انا الآن اسكن لوحدي كامرأة ولم اجعل مسكني مرتعا للرجال الذي يحومون حولي لغاية ممارسة الجنس معي كما تتصور انت وقطيعك. اذهب لأي مكان وحدي، استقل سيارة الأجرة وحدي، أزور أصدقائي الشباب والبنات ونسهر ونمرح دون الحاجة لرقيب يجعلني ادقق بساعتي كل قليل خوفا من العودة للبيت متأخرة. لا تقلق لم يحاول احدهم -أيضا- ممارسة الجنس معي او التحرش بي فقط لأني لوحدي وبدون رقيب. اما عن المتحرشين من قطيعك الذين اصادفهم خارج دائرة حياتي التي اخترها فأنا اعرف جيدا كيف اصدهم واحفظ نفسي منهم بإرادتي وليس خوفا من الانحراف، فصدقني لو اعجبني احدهم لكنت اخترت –بإرادتي- قضاء بعض الوقت معه فأنا لست اهتم للرجال كما تعرف ولا يهمني عرض عضلاتي الانثوية السكسية لأعوض نقصا بي عن طريق هؤلاء، ولا أحاول اثبات كوني مرغوبة فأنا اعرف كل هذا مسبقا.
لم أصبح كل ما كنت تعيّرني به او تتصوره وتخاف منه لأنه لا يهمني ولست نموذجا لسيناريو مسبق (stereotype) لك ولقطيعك ليثبت انكم على حق بكل ما تتصورونه لأي بنت متحررة من سجونكم الفكرية والسلوكية البلهاء التي وضعتموها فقط لتتوارثوا نكحنا وفقا للترتيب والاحقيّة التي اتفقتم عليها.
ما يهمني هو انني حلقّت خارج سجونكم لأعيش كما اريد بكل بساطة. ارتدي ما اريد، اخرج وقتما ومع من اشاء. اعمل ما اراه يتفق وامكانياتي وطموحي واخطط لحياتي ومستقبلي بنفسي، اختار شريكا لحياتي بما يتفق وسعادتي ورغبتي وليس وفقا لقوانين النسل والتكاثر والمذاهب خاصتكم. سعادتي والعيش بإرادتي هو بحد ذاته إنجازا كبيرا حققته بحياتي أكبر حتى من الوصول لمنصب برلماني او وزير، فلا يهمني ابدا ان تكون انت وغيرك فخورين بي لأني انتمى لعائلتهم واحمل اسمهم او لأني انتمى لنفس جنسيتهم وطائفتهم. تأكدوا إني لن امنحكم حق الفخر، تلك الجائزة او المرتبة التي يعِد ويخدع بها الشرقيون الآيدلوجيون أولادهم وافرادهم لإثبات اعلى درجات الولاء والانتماء للقطيع.
هل فهمت الآن يا والدي الغير عزيز؟
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